Feathers, Fur, and scales. Oh my!
Meet the Flockers!
They’re all the same Kingdom and Phylum, but our ducks consider themselves a Class above our cats and snake. Meet our diverse cast and crew!
Pippa
Position / Title: Head Hen-cho
Spirit Animal: A majestic swan
Spirit Animal: A majestic swan
Welsh Harlequin, female
Hatched: 02/2016
Pippa is the love child of two legendary ducks: Svetlana the Great and Sir Winston Duckbill (aka Winnie the Screw). She’s an incredibly smart, sweet, and robust duck. She still gets frisky with her friends and lays the occasional egg despite her advanced maternal age. She credits duck yoga, raided garden greens, and live worms for her good health.
Piper
Position / Title: Marketing Director
Spirit Animal: Bagpipe-pig hybrid
Spirit Animal: Bagpipe-pig hybrid
Pekin (possibly Jumbo), female
Hatched: approx. 2023
Piper came to us by way of Carolina Waterfowl Rescue (CWR) and she has flourished in her new environment, other than that one time when she got stung in the eye by an unknown insect while foraging. She enjoys eating, competing in bagpipe competitions, eating, late night emergency vet visits, and eating. She’s actually lost weight under our care due to a better diet and more exercise.
Marty
Position / Title: Chief Security Officer
Spirit Animal: Christopher Walken
Spirit Animal: Christopher Walken
Welsh Harlequin, female
Hatched: 02/2016
We don’t know her preferred pronouns, but Marty has quite an interesting story. She started off as Mary. After experiencing ovarian damage, her body stopped producing the hormones that make her look like a female, so she reverted to the default sex in avian species: male. Now, she looks and acts like a huge, stinky boy and spends her days trying to kill our drake.
Izzy
Position / Title: Personnel Director
Spirit Animal: Peregrine Falcon
Spirit Animal: Peregrine Falcon
Buff Orpington, female
Hatched: approx. 2023
Another of our CWR rescues, Izzy also answers to Izzard, Gizzard, and Lizard, especially when a handful of mealworms is offered. Izzy has strong feelings about the way things should be done and she’s not afraid to let everyone hear about it, even if they live four houses away. She feels most alive when racing other coworkers to the treat bowl. She also loves flow charts, GANTT charts, and CRM systems.
Primrose
Position / Title: Sales Assistant
Spirit Animal: Queen Butterfly
Spirit Animal: Queen Butterfly
Welsh Harlequin, female
Hatched: 02/2016
Like her spirit animal, Primrose is a dainty beauty who has no desire to be an actual monarch. Yes, she still talks about the beauty pageants she won in her younger years, but she firmly believes her best days are ahead, so long as there is a bowl of fresh-cut, vine-ripened tomatoes there. She doesn’t want her fans to see her eat live worms, snails, and slugs because it’s undignified.
Poppy
Position / Title: Director of Sales
Spirit Animal: Immortal jellyfish
Spirit Animal: Immortal jellyfish
Welsh Harlequin, female
Hatched: 02/2016
Poppy describes herself as a “powerhouse.” She’s never been sick, injured, or missed a single day of work. Her greatest achievement was her flock mates voting her the winner of the “golden egg” award based on her leadership, intrepid spirit, and contributions to shareholder value (the other ducks are the shareholders). When asked what is best in life, she replies in Schwarzenegger voice, “to crush Japanese beetles in my lamellae and hear the lamentations of their friends.”
Olive
Position / Title: Logistics
Spirit Animal: Black panther
Spirit Animal: Black panther
Cayuga, female
Hatched: approx. 2023
Another CWR rescue, Olive quietly and dutifully keeps the show running from the shadows while letting the other ducks enjoy the limelight. She’s mildly concerned about the recent appearance of white feathers in her plumage and the fact that her egg coating isn’t as dark as it used to be. Will these developments force her out of the shadows? Time will tell…
Thelma
Position / Title: The Twins (twin #1)
Spirit Animal: Louise
Spirit Animal: Louise
White Layer, female
Hatched: approx. 2023
A CWR rescue who describes herself as “the peanut butter to Louise’s jelly.” The two fowl have been inseparable besties (and beasties) since Day 1. Thelma and Louise have executed innumerable heists, including the riveting tomato raid of 2024 and the diabolical kale disappearance of 2025. Her other interests include yoga and pooping, which are often practiced together.
Louise
Position / Title: The Twins (twin #2)
Spirit Animal: Thelma
Spirit Animal: Thelma
White Layer, female
Hatched: approx. 2023
A CWR rescue who describes herself as “the jelly to Thelma’s peanut butter.” The two fowl have been inseparable besties (and beasties) since Day 1. Louise and Thelma have executed innumerable heists, including the riveting tomato raid of 2024 and the diabolical kale disappearance of 2025. Her other interests include yoga and pooping, which are often practiced together.
Bolt
Position / Title: CLO (Chief Lechery Officer)
Spirit Animal: Usain Bolt
Spirit Animal: Usain Bolt
Blue Runner, male
Hatched: approx. 2023
A CWR rescue, Bolt’s dream is to outrun a cheetah on the Serengeti – then mate the exhausted cheetah. Like all young drakes, Bolt is exclusively focused on one thing: the flock ladies. To maintain a semblance of tranquility in the flock, we have to keep him in his own run during the day. Thankfully, during the winter, the duck gods render him hormonally impotent, so he can be fully integrated with the rest of the flock.
Bob (Bobert)
Position / Title: Human Resource Manager
Spirit Animal: Walrus
Spirit Animal: Walrus
Orange Tabby, male
Born: approx. 05/2012
Bob firmly believes there should be 25 hours in a day, so he can get the 24 hours of sleep he needs each day but still enjoy lap time and belly rubs in the remainder of time that he’s able to achieve a semi-conscious state. He has too many nicknames to list here, but “Bobert” has lately been popularized by our young son and his best friend. They discovered that Bob can be the diminutive for Robert, and found it strangely hilarious. Bobert’s biggest fear is not waking up in time for his next nap.
Moo (Moobert)
Position / Title: Event planning
Spirit Animal: Cow-lion hybrid
Spirit Animal: Cow-lion hybrid
Domestic Shorthair, male
Born: approx. 2023
What to name a cow-colored cat? The Tyrant and our then-four-year-old took about 2.5 seconds to come up with a name… Moo showed up at our house after Hurricane Helene, and is terrified of storms to this day. He finds attacking our feet to be cathartic, and also likes that cathartic starts with the letters c-a-t. (He’s nearly smart enough to spell.) Moo looks dashing in BirdsBeSafe collars, needs constant entertainment, and likes to make as much noise as possible at 5am. Moo is not diminutive for Robert, but we now call him Moobert for reasons that aren’t entirely clear.
Ian
Position / Title: Chief Privacy Officer
Spirit Animal: Pangolin
Spirit Animal: Pangolin
Royal Python / Ball Python, male
Hatched: approx. 2020
We did not set out in search of a pet snake. We agreed to snake sit for our Irish duck sitter (who coined the name Ian). We used the time as an opportunity to get our young son acclimated to snakes. He loved Ian, so our snake sitter soon offered to let us keep Ian permanently since she thought we could provide him with the best possible snake life. Today, when he’s not in his hide, Ian frequently doubles as a human necklace and also helps teach kids at local schools that most snakes aren’t scary or dangerous, and are instead deserving of respect and understanding.
In loving memory of those no longer with us
Sir Winston Duckbill
Position / Title: Former Chief Lechery Officer
Spirit Animal: Wilt Chamberlin
Spirit Animal: Wilt Chamberlin
Welsh Harlequin, male
04/2013 – 08/2024, 11 yrs
Sir Winston was among our first ducks. He enjoyed 11 good years and numerous wives during his time at Tyrant Farms. He wasn’t always very discerning in his romantic interests; for instance, he had numerous summer flings with a PVC pipe in our duck pond (shown in his bio picture), bringing new and wholly inappropriate meaning to the term “laying pipe.”
Jackson
Position / Title: Flock Matriarch
Spirit Animal: Yoda
Spirit Animal: Yoda
Welsh Harlequin, female
08/2013 – 02/2023, 9.5 yrs
One of the sweetest, most affectionate ducks we’ve ever had, Jackson’s life was bookended by being petted to sleep on The Tyrant’s lap. She was deeply loved and helped teach us so much about duck behavior and communication. Her saddest time was grieving the loss of her best friend and lover, Svetlana. (She walked around our house calling for her for weeks after Svetlana’s death.) Her happiest time was being a mother to a clutch of adorable ducklings.
Svetlana
Position / Title: The Boss
Spirit Animal: T-Rex
Spirit Animal: T-Rex
Welsh Harlequin, female
08/2013 – 10/2018, 5 yrs
The funniest, smartest, and most affectionate duck we’ve ever known, Svetlana the Great ruled Tyrant Farms for five years. She developed aspergillosis when she was two years old, and we all fought like crazy to keep her alive for the next three years. During that time, the human-duck bond grew even stronger – so much so that she demanded to sleep on top of The Tyrant each night. Yes, she wore diapers (the duck, not The Tyrant). Read more about Svetlana here.
Charlie
Position / Title: La Puerqua Naranja
Spirit Animal: Tribble
Spirit Animal: Tribble
Domestic Longhair Tabby, female
02/2002 – summer 2018, 16 yrs
Charlie and The Tyrant were in college together, although only one of them earned a Biology degree. (You only have two guesses to figure out which one.) Charlie has the distinction of being our first shared animal and the FOAT (fluffiest of all time), and was there when we first started dating in 2004. She saw the development of Tyrant Farms and grew increasingly concerned about our duck addiction. Like others in our animal family who have died, she was returned to the soil where her molecules were repurposed by microbes and plants, in her case pineapple guava and native passion fruit.
Skipper (Red)
Position / Title: Intern
Spirit Animal: Cardinal
Spirit Animal: Cardinal
Welsh Harlequin, female
08/2013 – 03/2015, 1.5 yrs
Three of the first four ducklings we ever got turned out to be males. Oops. So the next time we ordered a sexed run of Welsh Harlequin ducklings, collectively known as the Sweet Tweets. They looked nearly identical, other than slight variations in coloring, so we temporarily named them White, Medium, and Red duck until the forest fairies helped us select their real names at midnight on the blue moon (no, not really). Red became Skipper, White became Svetlana, and Medium became Jackson. Skipper died suddenly and unexpectedly of causes still unknown. She was loved.
Lady Margaret Thrasher (Marge)
Position / Title: Prime Minister
Spirit Animal: Dachshund
Spirit Animal: Dachshund
Welsh Harlequin, female
05/2013 – summer 2015, 2 yrs
Our first female duck and the most highs-strung animal we’ve ever known. Lady Margaret was the first bride of Sir Winston Duckbill. She was constantly in motion and quacking. Unfortunately, she never stopped laying eggs either, which ultimately proved her undoing. Thankfully, we know more about duck keeping now, including how to lower annual egg production in order to promote overall health and longevity.